Be killing your phone habits, or your phone habits will be killing you.
Not quite as pithy as John Owen’s original quote, but it makes an important point: Your phone is not—as is often claimed—a neutral tool. It’s a weapon.
Much like a pickaxe, a phone can be used to break up hard ground so that you can dig more effectively. You can dig for the lasting treasure of wisdom (Proverbs 2:4) or for the foolish purpose of selfish gain (Psalm 7:14-16), and either way the phone will hasten you toward your goal.
But this framing ignores the human context of our technology. Engineered by sinful human beings to capture your attention for profit, the smartphone has more in common with the pickaxe given to a character in a trapped-in-the-woods horror movie. Spoiler alert: She’s not going to dig a well with it.
Context matters.
We need to recognize that our context is a battle for attention. In this battle, the phone is a catechetical weapon. It strategically presses its users toward certain beliefs (“I just need a little down time”) or pulls toward certain activities (“let me just check the score real quick”). A user pulls out their phone—often a habitual, unthinking movement—unlocks it, and is quickly captured captivated.
You know this. How many times have you opened your phone, scrolled and surfed for twenty minutes, and then said to yourself, “I picked up my phone to do something… what was it?”
As Christians who are called to be transformed by the renewal of our minds, take every thought captive, and train ourselves for godliness, we need to think carefully about how we exercise self-control in our phone use.
The Bible—as “the only sufficient, certain, and infallible standard of all saving knowledge, faith, and obedience” (LBC 1.1)—has much more to say on this topic than you might think.
Let us take up this better weapon (Hebrews 4:12) in the battle for our attention. Here are ten admonitions from Proverbs to shape our phone habits.
Get my free Cultivating Healthy Phone Use discipleship worksheet at the end of this post.
1. Avoid Isolation
Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment. Proverbs 18:1
One form of isolation that has become socially acceptable is sitting in a room with other people while on your phone. You’re physically present, but you’re not with the others. Headphones can function similarly; you may not be staring at your phone, but your earbuds indicate that you are in another world.
Phones isolate us easily and naturally. No one questions the urgency of the notification that pulls you out of the present, physical reality and into the digital world.
But the proverb exposes this as selfishness: he “seeks his own desire.” When we turn to that dark screen that no one else but us can read, we are isolating ourselves in a way that “breaks out against all sound judgment.”
Application: When I am in a room with others, I will engage in conversation, and resist the temptation to isolate myself on a device.
2. Establish a Whisper Diet
The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body. Proverbs 18:8
In Proverbs, the whisperer is a gossip. This is someone who causes drama by what they say in private (16:28; 26:20). In 18:8, we find the whisperer appealing to base appetites, like the temptation of a favorite comfort food.
Many texts, notifications, and comments are simply the words of a whisperer. Scripture tells us plainly how addictive this can be. It is like “delicious morsels.” I can crave checking my phone the way an addict craves food—or drugs, or sex, or gambling.
Application: I will learn to identify and refuse to participate in gossip, and I will learn to control the urge to check my phone. This means refusing some friendships, not replying to some texts or posts, having phone-free times, and limiting how much I text.
3. Destroy Destructive Habits
Whoever is slack in his work is a brother to him who destroys. Proverbs 18:9
When you mindlessly turn to your phone, you’re not working. This is a sin of omission. It’s a failure to exercise dominion (Genesis 1:28; 2:15), a failure to be engaged in honest work so that you have something to share with others (Ephesians 4:28), and a failure to take every thought captive to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).
By ignoring God’s call to create and cultivate, you are destroying what might have been.
Distracted scrolling or obsessive checking also means that you are not present, you’re not engaged with your surroundings. People often check their phones in the middle of work, while driving, while with other people. At best, preferring the digital world to your neighbor can hurt feelings and damage relationships; at worst, it can rob your employer or lead to a car crash. You’ve seen the PSAs. The inability to remain present is destructive.
Application: I will work before I use my phone, TV, or the internet for entertainment. I will prioritize my spiritual duties, my personal responsibilities, my job, and being productive. I will never use my phone when I should be doing something else, like driving, studying, working, or watching younger kids.
4. Choose Life
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. Proverbs 18:21
Death and life are in what we communicate. Phones give a powerful platform for the use—and misuse—of communication. If you love to communicate, you will reap the fruits of that love.
James gives us so much wisdom here:
How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. 7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. 11 Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? 12 Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water (James 3:5–12).
If no one can control the tongue, we should be very careful about a device that encourages constant communication in a way that is innately private and secretive.
The flip side of our proverb provides the answer: Death and life are in the power of the tongue. We can use our words to build up others and give grace (Ephesians 4:29) by communicating things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8).
Application 1: I will ensure that the phone is a thoughtful part of my communication life. For instance, I will self-impose limits on how often I post or comment, and what I post/comment about. Examples of such limits might be: I will not post more than one selfie per week; or, I will not comment on political posts but instead ask that person out to coffee.
Application 2: In place of potentially death-inducing communication, I will commit to speaking life. For this, I must first know and study God’s word. Then, in my intentionally limited posts and comments, I will ensure that many of these will be affirmations and compliments, Bible verses or encouraging quotes from wise Christian authors, words that build up. I will seek to prioritize or create in-person opportunities to speak life by going to church and fellowship events, attending or starting Bible studies, practicing hospitality, serving in ministries.
5. Seek (a Few) True Friends
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24
Social media—which includes texting, especially with group chats—encourages the “many companions” but rarely the “friend who sticks closer than a brother.” It can, of course, be used helpfully for friendship, and for that we are grateful!
Application: I will pursue real, deep, in-person relationships with a few people over virtual, shallow, online ‘relationships’ with many people.
6. Unfriend & Unfollow
Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler. Proverbs 20:19
The Bible connects the simple babbler to slander and the unwise sharing of secrets. Proverbs 20:19 says quite frankly, “Do not associate” with people like that.
But…. Isn’t that exactly what social media and texting and short form video is? Simple people simply babbling, goofing off, or gossiping about celebrities or niche interests or friends?
Well, yes. We should look at what is considered acceptable online with the wisdom of this proverb and have the courage to unfollow, unfriend, or simply delete the app.
Application: I will not overshare, and I will not provide a platform or lend an ear to those who do. For instance: I could avoid social media entirely, unfriend people who are “simple babblers,” ask someone else to review posts before I share, or only access social media sites on a computer (not through a phone app) or only at certain times.
7. Be Exceptional
Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor’s house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you. Proverbs 25:17
Virtually, we can put our foot in our neighbors’ houses every day, all the time. But Proverbs tells us to do this “seldom.” The idea, as expressed in the previous verse (“If you have found honey, eat only enough for you, lest you have your fill of it and vomit it”), is to limit your indulgence of a good thing.
Teen girls may be more tempted to message, video chat, and send voice memos back and forth all day long. Teen boys are perhaps more likely to log on to a video game server and play while joking around together for hours on end. While there may be a place for digital connection in relationships, habitual practice of these things is a clear violation of the spirit of this proverb.
It is good to be neighborly, to visit and catch up and help one another. It is good to enjoy honey, and it is good to maintain relationships with your friends and neighbors. But don’t overindulge. Make sure your virtual visits are the exception, not the norm.
Application: I will check messages or favorite sites or social media in a limited way, resist the temptation to respond to every notification, and carve out tech-free times and spaces for myself. For example, once per day for 20 minutes; or, I will only play video games with my friends on Monday nights from 8–11pm.
8. Build Walls
A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. Proverbs 25:28
Phones are professionally engineered to break down our self-control. This has affected the development of children and teens in ways that we are only beginning to understand. And, if we’re being honest, it has affected even the most responsible adults as well.
The proverb gives us an image of a city that has already been invaded. That’s the person who has not intentionally trained themselves to practice self-control. Without the strong walls of discipline, any invader can walk in and plunder your city—or worse, take up residence there and rule.
Application: I will set limits on phone and entertainment, and pursue things that build my self-control. I will thoroughly understand the implications and impact of giving any non-adult access to technology.
Ideas to limit a breakdown in self-control:
- Avoid popular apps
- For any device, app, site, game, or movie ask, “Will this help me build walls, or will it tear them down?”
- Set limits on the few apps you do allow
- Have a “bedtime” for your phone
- Charge phone in kitchen (not in bedroom)
- Keep phone elsewhere when doing devotions or homework
- No phones at the dinner table
- Avoid multitasking (i.e., when watching a movie or reading a book, phone is in another room; when talking to others, phone stays in pocket or on table)
Practicing and exercising self-control:
- Prioritize the spiritual disciplines of prayer, Bible reading and memorization, church membership and participation in the means of grace, fellowship
- Spend time with self-controlled people you admire
- Set goals (physical, financial, educational, spiritual, etc)
- Organize responsibilities and spaces (keep clean and keep up on it)
- Physical exercise, spending time out of doors
- School, reading books, taking classes
- Learning or advancing in a skill or hobby
- Work hard and often, in your vocation, in volunteer work, at home regarding your duties and responsibilities
9. Let the Fire Go Out
For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases. Proverbs 26:20
The incredibly easy access that phones provide allow wood to be put continually on the fires of quarreling and gossip. When you reply, when you comment, when you post that vague status update, you’re adding fuel to the fire.
We can take the image a step further. Notifications are simply prompts for you to put wood on the fire of your desires. Everyone says at some point, “I should spend less time on [fill in the blank].” Well, every time you open that app, visit that site, or pull down to refresh, you are keeping the fire going.
Starve the fire.
Application: I will seek to grow in wisdom so that I can recognize whispering and quarrels, and avoid putting wood on those fires. I will turn off as many notifications as possible, create times and places that I can’t be reached, and submit my digital habits to the Lord for sanctification.
10. Repeat
The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body. Proverbs 26:22
This is a repeated proverb (see 18:8), so it must be doubly important. Phones offer the lure of “delicious morsels” at an alarming rate. God says that these tasty treats go into the inner parts of the body—into our minds and hearts—and so become that which we crave and feed upon.
Application: I will limit how often I allow myself to check my phone. I will do everything in my power to crave the Lord and his ways above all else (Psalm 27:4; 42:1–2; 63:1; Matthew 5:6; John 6:35; 7:37).
Household Rules to Consider
Every person and every household will need to use discretion in how to apply these truths from Proverbs. Children ages 5, 11, and 17 are at very different stages, and a digital creator in L.A. will probably have a different relationship with technology than a nurse in Des Moines.
The specific rules you choose to adopt will vary for a wide number of reasons, and some will be phased out over time. But here is a suggestive list that summarizes the Proverbs above in tangible ways.
- No surfing on phone around others; instead, engage in conversation
- Limit time spent on devices and on specific apps
- Some apps/websites can only be accessed on a public desktop
- Consider getting a desktop (not a laptop or tablet) and place it in a highly visible location
- Create spaces in your home where phones are not allowed: Dinner table, study, TV room, kids’ bedrooms, perhaps even your own bedroom
- Create times in your home where phones are not allowed: On the Lord’s Day phones go on the entry shelf; no phone during homework or family night; phones off by a specific time at night
- Dad and mom can check teen’s phone anytime
- Use screen accountability software
- Responsibilities before entertainment
- Personal devotions before technology
- Only text or friend people you know in real life
- Limit number of contacts (or ability to add/alter contacts) for younger teens
- No phones while watching TV
- Turn notifications off for most apps
More Resources
- Digital Liturgies by Samuel D. James
- The Tech-Wise Family by Andy Crouch
- My Tech-Wise Life by Amy Crouch (great for teens; written from the daughter’s perspective growing up in the “tech-wise family” home)
