The most typical issue I deal with in counseling men is pornography.1
As I’ve opened the Scriptures with men to eradicate this sinful, serpentine habit from their lives, I’ve come to see that the problem at the root of pornography use is not lust—though of course that is a big part of the problem—but rather unbelief expressed in a rejection of the fourth commandment.
Let me explain.
God’s Order: Work, Rest, & Worship
God created mankind to work (Genesis 1:28, 2:15). He gave us six days for labor, and one for rest and worship (Deuteronomy 5:12-15).
Of course, work, rest, and worship are not mutually exclusive. For each day of labor, we worship through prayer, thanksgiving, and Scripture,2 and end each day with restful sleep. For our day of rest we labor by “fill[ing] the whole time with public and private acts of worship and the duties of necessity and mercy.”3
But the biblical categories exist to help us order our lives rightly. When we align our days with what God says, we will have a purpose for every moment, and that God-given purpose leads us away from temptation and towards blessing, contentment, and joy.
God calls such rightly ordered living good (Genesis 1:31; Deuteronomy 6:18, 24).
My (Dis)Order: Work, Rest, & Worship
Our lives become disordered when we don’t believe God’s word in such a way that we actually live as if it’s true.
God says to work for six days and worship for one. But we are content to work for five half-days and worship for one half-day. Can you see the problem? We don’t work and worship as God says, so we fill up the rest of the time “working” on hobbies and “resting”—daily—for hours at a time with passive entertainment. Disordered work and rest leads to a disordered worship—of self.
God gave us our purpose when he said, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion… over every living thing that moves on the earth” (Genesis 1:28). That purpose means hearty, healthy, fruit-producing effort. Things go awry when we neglect God’s purpose to pursue our own agenda. We lean on our own understanding and take the route that seems to promise the best and easiest rewards. We aim for as little work and as much play as possible.4
Instead of being producers we become consumers; instead of having dominion we are dominated; instead of actively creating we are passively entertained.
Too Busy—or Not Busy Enough?
I see this in the counseling room all the time.
A young, single man reaches out to me for help with porn. We meet, talk about his life history and current struggles, then I assign him homework tailored to help him deepen his faith, walk with the Lord, and resist temptation. Among other assignments, I always insist on the importance of regular, structured time in the word—”daily devotions.” He affirms his desire to be in the word and agrees to be held accountable to having personal devotions every day.
We meet again the next week and I follow up on how he did the homework assignments. Almost without fail, no matter how well or poorly he has done the other assignments, he will confess to only having personal devotions once or twice.
The reason is always the same: I was busy.
At this point, all I have to do is ask him to open his phone and see how much time he spent on it. Yeah, you got me is his reaction, even before he opens the Digital Wellbeing (Android) or Screen Time (iPhone) app.5 His phone confirms what his gut instinctively knew: he wasn’t too busy.
Sure, he would put effort into work or school, and would regularly attend church. But much of each day was lost to whatever drew his attention in the digital world.
What’s going on here? What is the connection between mindless scrolling, neglect of daily devotions, and porn?
How Phones, Porn, and Daily Devotions Relate
These three things converge in how you view time. “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil,” Paul says. “Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is” (Ephesians 5:15-17).
What is the will of the Lord for how we are to make the best us of time? Labor six days, rest and worship one.
It’s no accident that Paul immediately talks about corporate worship in the next verses (Ephesians 5:18-21). We redeem the time by observing both sides of the 4th commandment: Worship on the Lord’s Day, and work the other six days.
Now, your paid vocation may only take eight hours or so for five days, and that is perfectly fine. In the additional time you have each day and week, God still calls you to work: Daily devotions, household maintenance, hospitality, family worship, and serving your neighbor all count as God-honoring labor.
Believers have a divine calling to work. When men fail to work—or work too much—God’s will for our lives regarding work, rest, and worship becomes unbalanced. We create a category of “me time” in which our hearts pursue their own agenda. All of this is rooted in unbelief, in doubting that God’s program of six days of worshipful work and one day of worshipful rest is good.
Let’s trace how this plays out in everyday life.
| God says work, rest, and worship are good ↓ | |
| I do not believe what God says ↓ | |
| Instead, I determine that work, rest, and worship are good as I define them and when they suit me ↓ | |
| Therefore: | |
| I work too much (breaking the 4th commandment regarding work) ↓ | I work too little (breaking the 4th commandment regarding work) ↓ |
| I have no time to rest (breaking the 4th commandment regarding rest) ↓ | I have too much time to rest (breaking the 4th commandment regarding rest) ↓ |
| Work without rest creates stress, so I seek out easy, “harmless” indulgences (food, energy drinks, alcohol, gambling) ↓ | Rest without sleep is boring, so I seek out easy, “harmless” entertainment (hobbies, sports, scrolling, binge-watching) ↓ |
| Work crowds out the more difficult but truly refreshing disciplines of daily prayer, Bible reading, and worship ↓ | Entertainment crowds out the more difficult but truly refreshing disciplines of daily prayer, Bible reading, and worship ↓ |
| Indulgence only provides temporary relief, so over time my appetite increases ↓ | Entertainment only provides temporary pleasure, so over time my boredom increases ↓ |
| As increased stress demands increased relief, I turn to the hyper-relief of pornography | As increased boredom demands increased pleasure, I turn to the hyper-pleasures of pornography |
When we fail to believe God’s purpose for our lives and how we should use our time, the result is laziness. In our digital age, we see this in too much time spent online—on social media, YouTube, Netflix, reddit wormholes, you name it.
Perhaps surprisingly, anyone who is overworked or chronically busy has the same problem. In his chapter on sloth in The Death of the Deadly Sins, Trent Casto notes that the person who is always busy often stays busy to avoid their God-given responsibilities. Like Martha, they are “distracted with much serving” (Luke 10:40).
Excess work and excess rest are both forms of laziness, and each is rooted in a failure to believe that God’s way is best. Unbelieving laziness will always bear bad fruit, so it is no surprise that the end of the road for many young men is pornography.
The Solution to Unbelief
The solution to unbelief is simple: Believe! Place your trust in Christ for his forgiveness, redemption, and sanctifying work in your life.
Then place your trust in what God says.
Thankfully, God did not merely give us commands, but promises that accompany those commands. Do you delight in wealth, entertainment, fun, or other fleshly indulgences? “Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:3-4). As you trust the Lord and do good, you will learn to be satisfied in the Lord.
Another: “The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied” (Proverbs 13:4). Everyone with a smartphone recognizes the truth of this proverb. You crave a little rest, a little chill time, a little zoning out, yet in the end you are as empty as you were before. But the effort taken by the diligent results in prosperity and the satisfaction of a job well done.
Practically, this could look like taking extra shifts or another job, furthering your education, volunteering in the community, serving in the church, giving your time and talents to bless others, fellowship and hospitality, discipling others, and laboring to know and worship the Lord.
As you fill your time with the things God says—work, rest, and worship—you will crowd out the boredom that leads to porn use with the richly satisfying things of the Lord.
Examine yourself by taking an honest look at your life and comparing it to what God says. Are you living by faith?
| God says… | Unbelief says… |
| Work, rest and worship are good Genesis 1:31-2:3 | Work, rest, and worship are good as I define them and when they suit me |
| Work for six days Exodus 20:9 | Work as little as possible to maximize rest now – or – Work as much as possible to maximize rest later |
| Rest one day Exodus 20:10 | Rest every day after putting in my 8 hours – or – Rest when I’m retired and can vacation 24/7 |
| Worship one day Exodus 20:8 | Worship Sunday morning, then use the rest of the day for myself |
| Pray, give thanks, and meditate on the Scriptures every day 1 Thessalonians 5:17, 1 Thessalonians 5:18, Psalm 1:2 | I’m too busy working and/or resting |
| Delighting in God will satisfy Psalm 37:4, Proverbs 13:4 | What I crave will satisfy |
Which will you choose: God’s way, or your own?
What will rule your time: God’s good commandments, or your own?
- I took the photo above on a trip to Madagascar in 2024, where I was helping conduct a train for Biblical Counseling Ministries Worldwide. I chose it for this post because the animals and cart are clearly designed for work, yet they are standing idle in the middle of the day, doing nothing. Proverbs 7:22 uses related imagery for the young man who is passing by the forbidden woman’s house at a time when he should be home resting, and “all at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter.” That verse has been very helpful to me in refusing temptation. ↩︎
- “The elements of religious worship of God include reading the Scriptures, preaching and hearing the Word of God, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing with grace in our hearts to the Lord… God is to be worshipped everywhere in spirit and in truth—daily in each family and privately by each individual.” LBC 22.5-6. ↩︎
- LBC 22.8. ↩︎
- Overwork is also a possibility, but legitimate overwork is much rarer and has the same root problem of failing to trust and obey God’s command to work six days and rest one. The workaholic and sluggard are more alike than you would expect; the workaholic delights in his work or achievements while the sluggard delights in the pleasures of fun or hobbies, and both neglect the spiritual disciplines. Regardless, I have found that both spend too much time on their phones. ↩︎
- Sure, it’s a bit of a parlor trick, but I’ve found it helpful for data gathering and to help the counselee view themselves realistically as their own phone testifies against them. ↩︎
