My wife and I listened as the woman related a horror story of a marriage.
Lies and accusations. Rigid expectations and a complete lack of grace. Hidden chat messages and payments for services. The disgusting contents of packages revealed on labels she pretended not to notice. Days of cold shoulder. Explosive anger. A weapon.
Her story—as much as she could tell between the tears—took us up to the present day. She came to a stopping point. Now it was my turn to speak.
Oh Lord, I prayed. What should I say?
Conviction Over Sophistication
When a counselee shares their heart-wrenching story of suffering, injustice, calamity, or the consequences of their own sin, we are seldom ready to capably explain the Bible’s answer to the problem of evil.
In those moments, our conviction matters more than the sophistication of our presentation.
Titus 1:9 says, “He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine.” Here Paul is speaking about elders, but what he says provides a crucial insight for any believer who has an opportunity to “give instruction in sound doctrine.”
The insight is this: Your ability to give instruction in sound doctrine rests on the firmness with which you hold to the trustworthy word.
More simply, the quality of your counsel rests on your conviction.
As I looked into this dear woman’s tear-streaked eyes, I drew a breath to speak. I didn’t have a three-point outline to follow, a diagram to draw, or an acronym to present.
I didn’t have an anecdote or illustration. I didn’t have a clear launching point, and I didn’t even have the words to say.
What I did have was a heart filled with rock-solid, unwavering conviction: God is absolutely sovereign, and impeccably good (Daniel 4:35; Psalm 34:8). God ordains whatsoever comes to pass—including every element of this woman’s story—yet he hates evil (Ephesians 1:11; Proverbs 6:16–19). Every trial can be a source of joy and sanctification (James 1:2–4). As a believer, this was happening for her good, that she would be made more Christlike and that Christ would be exalted in her life (Romans 8:28–29).
I knew these things from study and from my own life.
So when I opened my mouth, I had something to say. Not because I had developed and rehearsed a clever or empathetic monologue, but because I knew what I believed.
Titus 1:9 tells us that conviction—our “firm hold” onto the trustworthy word—is the source of sound, faithful counsel. Let’s look at three ways that you can prepare your heart with the conviction needed for those impossible moments in the counseling room.
1. You Must Be Taught the Word
“He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught.”
Conviction arises from deep, patient learning. We must be taught the word, and we must be taught by those who trust the word for themselves.
So sit at the feet of your elders and learn. Read rich theological books. Get training. Listen to sermons and lectures. Take seminary courses, whether auditing or for credit. Study the major themes of Scripture.
Many resources have helped me over the years:
- Two pastors who intentionally discipled me in my teens, giving me good books to read and sermons to listen to, but more importantly who spent time with me
- Audios from teachers such as R.C. Sproul, Derek Thomas, Sinclair Ferguson, John Piper, Voddie Baucham, D.A. Carson, Robert P. Martin, and many others
- The Holiness of God by R.C. Sproul
- The Attributes of God by A.W. Pink
- What About Evil? by Scott Christensen
- The 1689 London Baptist Confession
- Puritan books, sermons, and prayers
- ACBC training and certification
- Seminary classes
- Attending a solid church
- The personal ministry and friendship of faithful pastors
- A thousand Sunday morning sermons
- Wise words and sweet encouragements from fellow church members
God has used all of these influences and more to shape my confidence in his trustworthy word. As Peter says that we are to “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Peter 3:18). Much of this knowledge is gained by being taught.
2. You Must Trust the Word
“He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught.”
In addition to being taught by others, there are two more resources that have shored up my conviction in biblical doctrine.
First, my own daily devotional time in the word. Your conviction cannot be solely in what others think, say, and teach. It must be rooted in the word. There’s no substitute for your own personal study of the Bible. Nothing can take the place of your own communion with God in Christ as his Spirit works through his word. You can’t trust R.C. Sproul or the Puritans or your pastor in this way. You must trust what God says.
Second, my own experiences of trials and suffering. With every trial in my life, God has set before me his word and the choice to trust him and believe what he says or doubt him and reject his word and his ways. I can’t take credit for any growth—it’s all of grace, and, as Peter once said, where else would I go?—yet in the midst of each trial there is always a choice placed before me: Will I trust him? In every circumstance, he has proven himself faithful.
God has used these two influences to shape my confidence in his trustworthy word. While conviction can and should come quickly to any believer, there is another layer of conviction that comes with experience over time, when you can say, “Your promise is well tried, and your servant loves it” (Psalm 119:140).
3. You Must Hold Firm to the Word
“He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught.”
Lastly, conviction is something you must do. Paul says that the faithful minister must hold onto the word. He says elsewhere to “stand firm and hold to the traditions that you were taught by us, either by our spoken word or by our letter” (2 Thessalonians 2:15). According to the writer of Hebrews, our personal fellowship with Christ depends on the way in which we hold onto our convictions (Hebrews 3:14).
What you are taught, what you place your trust in, you must hold onto as if it really matters.
As if the word, “His steadfast love endures forever” matters when your spouse is unfaithful.
As if the word, “The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love” matters when you face anger and conflict every day.
As if the word, “When I am weak, then I am strong” matters when your body is ravaged by chronic illness.
As if the word, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” matters when your marriage is falling apart and there is real fear for your safety.
Because if you don’t trust God’s word in that way, how will you teach your counselee to do so?
Faith Comes by Hearing—And Speaking Comes by Faith
I can’t tell you what I said, because truthfully I don’t recall much more than a few Scripture references and biblical truths that came to mind. Even if I could remember my exact words, it wouldn’t do you much good because many others have said or written the same thing with greater clarity and eloquence.
But in that moment I believed that God had something important to say to this dear suffering saint. And somehow, by God’s grace, she left the session feeling encouraged, hopeful, and desiring to honor the Lord even in the midst of her trial.
At the end of the day, your convictions matter far more than memorizing the ideal outline, preparing the perfect script, or identifying the exact right Scripture for the situation. You must know the Bible, of course, and your counsel must be biblical. But when a suffering counselee bares their soul and lays their situation before you, your ability to counsel well rests on a firm, unwavering conviction that God’s word alone is trustworthy.
