When a young member of your church asks you to disciple them, it’s an exciting thing. You feel a mix of emotions—joy for their sake, hope for the coming generation, a sense of honor, thankfulness to the Lord, and a weightiness at the responsibility of ministering to another person’s soul and influencing their life.
That feeling of weightiness will make you stop and think. It’s one thing to talk about discipleship; it’s another thing to have someone sit down with you and look at you expectantly, waiting for you to pour into them.
Where do you begin?
It will always vary based on the context—who you are, who they are, the reason they are asking to be discipled, your church’s practices, and so on—which is why it is so important for you to have a biblical framework for what discipleship is and how to go about it.
In an initial discipleship meeting, I have three simple goals: Get to know one another, dig a little deeper into their life, and establish a biblical definition of discipleship. The end result is that together we figure out exactly what to do going forward.
Let’s walk through what this initial meeting should look like.
Goal #1: Get to Know Each Other
Biblical counselors will be familiar with the Proverbs 15:13 principle: “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.”
You don’t want to be a foolish counselor, so you must find out where they are at in their walk with Christ before you launch into prepared material. It’s important to prepare, of course, but if discipleship was only about conveying information, you could send them links to a bunch of books and sermons and call it a day.
Discipleship is a relationship, and, like any relationship, you start with the basics. Ask for their life story and how they came to know Christ. Tell them about yourself, too. Share some of your history, your walk with the Lord, perhaps some trials he has seen you through.
I’ll often read Proverbs 15:13 and tell the person exactly what I’m doing. This helps them see that we’re not just killing time or shooting the breeze but trying to be faithful to the wisdom of Scripture. It also illustrates for them that every part of what we’re doing is grounded in biblical authority.
Goal #2: Go Deeper with Exploratory Questions
Their life story and testimony will include many of the following details, but it’s often helpful to ask follow up questions in each of these categories:
- Family/upbringing
- School and career
- Relationship history
- Friendships
- Church experience
- Devotional life
- Giving and service
- Pornography
- Phone use
Go slow with this and be sure to continue to get to know the person you are discipling. It takes time to explore each of those areas, and it will often take time for them to open up, especially about an area of sinful struggle or shame.
For your first meeting, begin with the big picture of life story and testimony, maybe ask a few follow-up questions, then continue to explore the above categories in future meetings.
Goal #3: Teach Matthew 28:19-20
In this first meeting, you’re probing into your disciplee’s life to look for areas where you can help. Yet you also want to, you know, disciple. You want to open up Scripture and teach them about Christianity.
I like to start with Matthew 28:19-20, which is the go-to text for discipleship. I tell the person, “You came to me for discipleship, so we should probably know what we’re talking about. Let’s see what Jesus says discipleship is.” Then we read the text:
“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
This passage packs in so many wonderful aspects of discipleship. Taking a careful look at the text will help you find the best point to launch into discipleship with each unique individual.
18 Discipleship Topics from the Great Commission
The point of this exercise is threefold. First, I want them to have a solid understanding that being a disciple is all-encompassing; it is a lifelong endeavor that asks for everything that have (Luke 9:23-24). Second, I want to help them see that discipleship is rooted in Scripture (2 Timothy 3:16-17). Third, I want to target the areas that will serve them and help them to grow (Ephesians 4:29). While I will generally steer them towards what I think is best, it’s helpful to have their input so that we don’t cover well-worn ground while leaving an area of struggle untouched.
Before we begin, I explain the three points just mentioned, then ask them to take notes of any areas that they are interested in, have questions about, struggle with, or want to grow in. From there, we’ll figure out the direction this discipleship will take.
I like to go through the passage one word or phrase at a time and ask them what they think it means or includes. This is fun because I’m never sure what sort of answers I am going to get! I’ve received some great insights and some real clunkers, but usually we end up with something close to the following list.
“Baptize”
Jesus says that making disciples involves baptizing them. What is baptism, and what does it involve and imply?
1. Repentance (Acts 2:37-38). When Peter’s audience at Pentecost asked what they should do, he paired repentance and baptism. Anyone who is baptized into the Christian faith must confess and repent of their sins (1 John 1:9; Proverbs 28:13). Are there any glaring sins you need to confess and repent of? What is your response you do when you commit a sin?
2. Confession of faith (Acts 2:38). Baptism is much more than a negative confession of your sin. It’s also a positive confession of your need for Jesus and your trust in him for salvation. Baptism highlights the person and work of Christ—Peter says that we are to be baptized “in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins.” Do you know Christ? Do you know who he is and what he has done for you? Do you understand the atonement, and what it means to believe?
3. Church membership (Acts 2:41-42). Those who were baptized were added to the church (Acts 2:41). When we believe, we are added to the universal church. Baptism signifies that reality. As a part of the universal church, we must actually be connected with a local body of believers where there is biblical teaching, fellowship, the Lord’s Supper, and prayer (Acts 2:42). Do you know what it means to be a member of a church? What does a biblical church look like? Do you faithfully attend?
“In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit”
Who are the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit? What does in mean to be baptized “in the name of” this Trinity?
4. Theology (1 John 4:13-15). Trinitarian theology is the foundation of the Christian faith. Do you have a grasp of the Bible’s basic teaching on the Father, Son, and Spirit? Do you know their distinct roles and personhood, their shared unity and divinity?
5. Knowing God (1 John 4:13-15). To know God is far more than theoretical and theological knowledge. It is to be “in” him. It is to abide in him, and he in you. It is to enjoy union with Christ and the Spirit’s indwelling presence. This is an experiential knowledge; a relationship. Do you know God in this way? Do you walk with him, abide with him, commune with him, rest in him?
6. Submission to God (1 John 4:21). To be baptized in the name of the Triune God is to recognize and submit to his authority. Have you surrendered to the lordship of Christ in every area of your life?
“Teaching”
So much of discipleship is about helping the disciple understand the Bible so that they can apply it to their lives. Understanding that leads to application is the essence of teaching. Now, the digital world did not exist in the first century, so the teaching Christ has in mind is personal. While we have so many wonderful resources, all of them (including this article!) fall short of interpersonal fellowship, instruction, and accountability. You get to serve your disciplee in a uniquely biblical way. But you will want to know who their main spiritual influences are, and ensure that they lean on the local church far more than popular pastors, speakers, and influencers.
Here are the ways the disciple should focus on receiving teaching.
7. Sermons (2 Timothy 4:1-4). The pastor is charged by God to preach the word to the church (2 Timothy 4:2). The church, in turn, is warned to not “accumulate teachers to suit their own passions” (2 Timothy 4:3)—podcasts come to mind—but instead to respect and esteem those who labor among them (1 Thessalonians 5:12-13). Are your pastors your primary teachers? Are you faithful in attending church, paying attention, taking notes?
8. Small Groups (Colossians 3:16). Whether fellowship groups, Bible studies, accountability partners, discipleship programs, or any other approach your church may use, each member of the church—not just the pastors—are called to teach and admonish one another, especially in a context of worship. This happens in a Sunday service with congregational readings, prayers, songs, baptisms, and testimonies, but there also needs to be rich, Scripture-saturated encouragement within the body. Are you receiving the full benefit of the teaching ministry of your local church?
9. Catechism (Luke 1:4). A catechism is teaching through question and answer. Luke uses the Greek word κατηχέω (katēcheō), from which we get “catechesis,” to encourage Theophilus to have certainty concerning the things he has been taught or catechized. There are formal and informal ways to do this; a formal way might include the Heidelberg Catechism or the Truth and Grace Memory Books, while an informal way would be exactly what we’re doing now (what is baptism, what does “in the name of” mean, etc) or responding to in-the-moment questions (Exodus 13:14). Catechesis should play an important role in discipleship. How are you receiving systematic instruction in the faith?
10. Reading (Luke 1:1-4). Luke wrote his Gospel to be read, and Paul exhorted his readers to share his letters so that all would read them (Colossians 4:16). Christians have always been readers; public and private reading of Scripture and other books (2 Timothy 4:13) should be an important part of any disciple’s growth. What are you reading?
“Observe all that I have commanded you”
Teaching isn’t just an intellectual endeavor; it has a point. That point is obedience.
11. Obedience to Specific Commands. This will include the foundation of the Ten Commandments along with wisdom from Proverbs, the “one another” commands given to the church, and obedience to the Lord in weekly, daily, and moment-by-moment acts of worship (Romans 12:1).
12. Obedience in Every Sphere of Life. Help your disciplee think biblically about their roles and responsibilities (as citizen, worker, parent, child, spouse, etc), relationships with everyone in their lives, ministry, finances, self-denial, and other personal disciplines (Ephesians 4-6).
13. Obedience from the Heart. The Bible has much to say about the internal and experiential life of the soul. Jesus lays claim to our affections and treasures, our thoughts and hopes, our emotions, and every other aspect of the inner man (Proverbs 4:23; Matthew 6:21).
14. Obedience at All Times. Our schedules are to be arranged in a way that honors the Lord, prioritizing the Lord’s Day for worship and the other six days for fruitful labor (Exodus 20:8-11). How we spend out time—particularly regarding who or what we allow to influence and motivate us—is a matter of worship and stewardship (Ephesians 5:15-16).
“And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
In context, this promise is addressed to those who go and make disciples. But they, too, are disciples of Jesus Christ, so the command and the accompanying promise must also apply to those who are being discipled.
15. Communion with Christ & Walking by the Spirit (Galatians 2:20; 5:16-25). To be a Christian is to be united to Christ: “It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.” Do you know the presence of Christ? What does it mean to walk by the Spirit?
16. Bible Reading, Study, Memorization, & Meditation (Psalm 119:11, 105, 148). This is one of the great promises of Scripture: “I am with you always.” One of the ways we experience the presence of Christ is by listening to his voice as he speaks in his word. Do you know and treasure the promises of God?
17. Worship, Prayer, and Thanksgiving (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). We’re called to rejoice always, pray without ceasing, and give thanks in everything. What does it mean—practically, as you drive to work, or talk about your budget, or fold laundry, or compare insurance quotes—to live this out?
18. The Church Age & Eschatology (Titus 2:11-14). Paul talks about this “present age” being characterized by waiting for the return of Christ, while Hebrews 1:2 tells us that we are even now living in “the last days.” What are the last days? What should we expect in the church age and in the age to come? What is our hope for the future?
Making a Discipleship Plan
To be sure, there isn’t enough time to explore each topic in detail. I just introduce the biblical concept and answer any questions they have.
As we wrap up, if a clear choice does not present itself, I will give them the outline with references and have them study it further at home as a “homework assignment.” I ask them to read each of the references, then rank the areas that they are best at, worst at, and most excited to learn about. This helps determine the direction we should go.
Here’s the free two-page assignment worksheet:
With all the resources available to us, it’s not difficult to choose a path forward. I’ve found it typically falls into a few broad groupings:
- For sin struggles, a biblical counseling approach is best. Choose a book on that topic and go through it together.
- For biblical and theological growth, studying your church’s confession of faith along with all the Scripture references is incredibly helpful. See here for my approach to the 1689 London Baptist Confession.
- For spiritual disciplines, books, articles, and teachings can supplement, but you won’t find anything more glorious than opening the Scriptures together and studying what God says about it, getting on your knees together, going and serving together, and inviting them into your home to show how these things are lived out.
This means that, apart from life-dominating sin problems, my expectation is that we will decide to go through the 1689 London Baptist Confession. Along with that as our main study, I will provide additional reading and listening materials that touch on spiritual disciplines, specific sin issues, and theological questions. And, wherever possible, we will practice prayer, service, and Scripture reading together, and I will invite them into my small group and into my home.
If you look back over the list, you will find a lot of overlap. Communion with Christ is not very different from knowing God; studying theology is both a form of teaching and a form of obedience; worship is a part of church membership, obedience, and our daily walk with Christ. What this means is that you can jump in at any one of those topics and you will often hit on many of the others as you study and live those things out.
I hope this gives you confidence and some sense of direction as you launch into discipleship. It’s a weighty and glorious ministry!
